Manifesto

Alchemizing limerence and descending into the divine feminine

@Alyssatiannah on Instagram.

“Limerence is a state of mind resulting from romantic feelings for another person. The state involves intrusive and melancholic thoughts, or tragic concerns for the object of one's affection, typically along with a desire for the reciprocation of one's feelings and to form a relationship with the object of love”

My journey as a human being is very circular and not straight forward, in the sense that, for lack of better description, the “same thing” keeps happening every couple years in my life, a situation I’m currently facing is an episode about loving myself, scars, big eyes, hyperpigmentation and all. I never for a second doubted my looks, in fact up until high school I never considered myself to be beautiful, in fact I never cared— but I kept attracting such beautiful lovers, I’d daydream about my crushes all day long, and write them letters but kept them in my journal, a manifesto of how I see our relationships going, my muses were special, I never had a “type”, everyone was different in their way and I was infatuated by them.

I realized that I always loved my crushes but never had anything good to say about myself, I’d look into someone else’s soul that I’d get lost in them but obviously after every end of those relationships, I realized that I was simple projecting what I would do in that person’s shoes. Just lost and heartbroken.

It wasn’t until earlier this year during my deliberately single phase when I realised that I actually am a beautiful muse, and I am in a state of limerence for myself; it’s never about other people.

Venus’s shell (1923)

The perception I have of myself is so beautiful that I exude that aura immediately when I step into the room; introspective, mystic, captivating, high vibrational, rich, loving, venus in pisces placement kind of beautiful.

Instead of letting my lover becoming the gravitational pull, I centered my desire around myself, I embody the essence of being the constant in an ever-changing world, staying undeniably present and authentically chich even during “chaos”. The love I give myself now makes me so flustered, I actually make myself shy when I’m at the grocery store and I want to pick out flowers for myself. I blush when I make myself hot chocolate and rub my feet with my personalised signature perfume and reading through a sensualist’s magazine at night while Kali Uchis plays on my girly speaker.

So here it goes, the love letter — alchemizing limerence into descending into the divine feminine.

My brown skin glistens so beautifully after my showers and that glow remains around the clock, the way the moisturizers morphs into body glitter under those golden dim lights and my tattoos shine like sacred ornaments curated to just me, because he only gets to see them in private.

I love laying idly on the sofa with my glasses on, and getting my feet massaged, I’m so comfortable in my skin that any outfit just sits flawlessly on me. It compliments me in every way,

I love being well rested, not rushing and just taking my time in the morning, basking in my personalized haven, vinyl record players and roses on every corner of the house. I love feeling the tension in my muscles loosen when I feel his fingers embrace and his knuckles mangle and turn my back loose in every which way.

I love drawn bathes, roses and bubbles filled to the brim; I love and deserve to be celebrated the same way I celebrate others especially lovers. I love leaning lower in my feminine and he leans upright into his masculine; I love leading with intuition and breathing life into each new day.

I became a woman untamed, and I owned my flaws when I realised that intuition is the gift that the womb gives us and it’s to be celebrated; The womb(man) is the bridge between the living and the Spirit. I demanded more, did all that was in my control and let it go, the feminine achieves through minimal effort, the most captivating thing people love about rich, elegant women is not their skin colour but it’s that they do less and receive when they let go of control. The assurance that it’ll come back, lovers, love celebrated, money invested.

I love curating compartments in my kitchen that is strictly for dry flowers, with these dry flowers I create my own perfumes, a scent that is not aggressive but soft and can only be felt when he’s at a lip’s distance.

I glow in serenity and contentment because of the understanding that even underneath all my beauty, I have compassion, the highest form of understanding. I love giving people a smile, a hug, a laugh, free flowers, a box of chocolates without diminishing any part of myself.

I love having an army of beautiful goddesses as companions, different yet the same spirit, living a self-centred world.

The more I rearranged my heart centre, I found out that breaking out of an instant gratification mindset leads to sustainability, I shine in adornment because this, my alchemization of limerence bred a beautiful Self-centred life, in devotion, beauty, God and the Mother Earth.

Put the phone down.

Bat your eyes slowly, play with kinetic sand, let it tingle your fingers then buy a popping lollipop so you can feel it bursting little stars in your tongue, be a girly girl.

Become slower.

Taste your food.

Breathe out.

And close your eyes, run your hands around your body, just feel how soft your thighs are.

Open them again, then repeat.